Jill the Secretary's random thoughts and ramblings

Ok, this is just awesome

2009-07-21T08:11:00.003-04:00

A smart-ass in the making....

2009-07-14T14:38:00.001-04:00

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

Is Tanner his manager?

2009-07-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

A New Zealand taekwondo athlete has opened a brothel to help fund his bid to compete at the 2012 London Olympics.

The best part? Just cause you can pay for it, and got the skillz, he still has to prove his "....ability to serve as an example to the youth of the country" to have a shot. Don't know much about New Zealand except that's where Xena was filmed, but I'm fairly certain lil girls don't grow up with the desire to work in a brothel...

Close quarters with male Sweds? Yum!

2009-07-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

So I found this on Buzzfeed and while its more intense/in depth then your usual "which vegetable best represents you" type of personality test if it'll get me closer to those yummy Swedish men I'm so for it!

Swedish Armed Forces Personality Test

Yemen justice

2009-07-07T15:38:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure whether or not to cheer this, but its certainly one way to clean up the jails:

Justice Yemen-style: Paedophile who raped boy, 11, shot in the head in front of hundreds of spectators

May need a new boss...

2009-07-06T08:33:00.000-04:00

So I get a text from Tanner on the 4th that says, and I quote "So far so good! Only an eye and a singed eyebrow!" and an hour later "I cannot BELIVE the cops are shutting me down!"

Yea... this will probably be the boys today...

Fireworks Idiots

Big men don't cry?

2009-06-30T15:57:00.003-04:00

So I've been on "vacation" (can you truly call it a vacation if your seeing family?) So when I returned from a week of *that* torture I come back to this loony bin where the first thing I hear from Tanner is a little freak out mini-tantrum about someone parking too closely to his precious baby "Midnight Thunder" (aka a Camaro Z28(

Anyways, while he didn't have quite the little tantrum as this kid (he is an adult... most of the time) it gives you a good idea of the overreaction.

Canceled WoW Account Meltdown

Lovely

2009-06-19T13:42:00.002-04:00

911 Fail

X-men

2009-06-17T13:52:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I'm avoiding work again and with all the hoopla over superheroes again (Hugh Jackman is hot!) Prompted my little foray into the Internet and heres what I found....

Trogdor!

2009-06-16T14:31:00.001-04:00

Ok, I love HomestarRunner.com, ESPECIALLY Strong Bad's emails... here's an example

Awkward Family Photos

2009-06-12T11:53:00.001-04:00

Now to top off my Baby Theme Week:

So once you do get knocked up and have the kid at some point you'll end up having a family photo... this website gives you some good examples of what NOT to do.... Below is an example of some of these "precious" photos

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Baby talk

2009-06-11T12:43:00.000-04:00

Action Teen Daddy

2009-06-10T13:32:00.000-04:00

Baby week....

2009-06-09T12:16:00.001-04:00

Continuing the theme....

Baby advise

2009-06-08T14:03:00.001-04:00

So I went to a baby shower this past friday, and besides being highly HIGHLY amused by scaring the 19 year old with child birth facts (I SO could be part of the "scared straight" program) I've decided I will display some baby minding advise I've found across the Internet:

You're doing it wrong...

2009-06-02T14:29:00.000-04:00

From Jill's email

2009-05-28T13:28:00.001-04:00

Find the 10 faces in the tree

Find the 3 ladies

Find the baby

Soda & Beer

2009-05-27T15:41:00.000-04:00

The warmer it gets outside, the more the crazies try to skip out earlier and dump their work on me. Since I was told at my last eval that I'm not allowed to shoot the offenders with nerf darts or rubber band guns I've come to a solution to deal with the extra work: Caffeine & Beer (but not mixed). so I am a devotee to Mt. Dew but some things the soda makers due confuse the heck out of me:

Like Cucumber flavored soda!?
The Germans tried to copy Coca-Cola and came up with the drink Fanta.
The average American consumes enough caffeine in one year to kill a horse.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. 'UP' indicated the direction of the bubbles

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-22T13:49:00.006-04:00

As you celebrate your extended weekend remember what the long standing Memorial Day was established for. Its not just a day to escape from work, go to BBQs, drink beer or curse because something is closed for the holiday. You may not agree with this war, but that is not the point of honoring the fallen of America.

Please take a minute during the national moment of silence at 3pm EST Monday to remember those who've fought and died throughout America's history for our rights and thank them.

The True Meaning of Memorial Day

Memorial Day - Arlington (Trace Adkins)

Huzzah!

2009-05-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

I may have finally found a way to finish that degree so I can get the heck out of this loony tunes place known as Radio X!! The Study Ball is a 20lb old school chain gang ball that hooks to your ankle and won't release you for whatever time you've designated.
Heck... even if I don't end up using it for studying I can use it to capture Tanner and McKay so I'm free for a 4 hours of them sneaking up on me with the rubber band gun.

If only....

2009-05-19T12:10:00.001-04:00

If only some of the idiot chicks I went to school had seen this maybe their kid wouldn't be so jacked up....

PSA Teen Mommy Darci

Stupid reasons for being late

2009-05-18T09:54:00.002-04:00

Here are 12 of the most outrageous excuses employees have heard for being late to work:

1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.
2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.
3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again. (ok this, I maintain, is a very legitimate excuse!)
4. I got locked in my trunk by my son. (uh... what hte hell were you doing IN the trunk in the first place? Couldn't figure out how to recline your seat for a quickie?)
5. My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work. (apparently someone forgot how to use the arm signals they learned in drivers ed)
6. A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic. (was there a person still in it?)
7. I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn't rabid.
8. I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.
9. My father didn't wake me up.
10. A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat. (a... groundhog...? Where the hell are you living??)
11. My driveway washed away in the rain last night.
12. I had to go to bingo.

The sexual addition....

2009-05-15T15:49:00.005-04:00

So it appears the Media is conspiring for a sexualized news today so I thought I'd share some the odder/amusing ones.

Ohio Man Sentenced to 90 days After Shooting Wife During Sex

Man Rides Bike 180 Miles, All for Sex With Teenager

Father who asked prostitute to take 14-year-old son's virginity as a present is spared jail

Sexually frustrated emu tries to herd woman into nest

Granny has vaginal surgery to snag young husband

A MIRACLE new smart-bra that BOOSTS a woman's cleavage when she feels sexy is being tested by lingerie designers.

Sexy mascot can stay at eatery if curves covered

Was it a lucky frog?

2009-05-14T14:20:00.000-04:00

So this froggie was ripped open by a lawnmower in Australia and they rushed it to the emergency room where they stitched it up even though it was "touch and go" for awhile.
Seriously? Was this *the* frog that if you kiss it'd turn into a prince? Or was it lucky? Maybe it was the representitive for an alien species and the local government didn't want to be demonlished by lazer beams?

The History of the Middle Finger

2009-05-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

Not sure how true this is, but it has a ring of truth so its possible...

The History of the Middle Finger

Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'

I'll never look at Turkey the same again...

2009-05-11T13:12:00.002-04:00

Something to scare you into calling your mom

2009-05-08T10:57:00.002-04:00

Mr. T's "Treat Your Mother Right"

New Sign for Jill's Desk

2009-05-07T14:52:00.000-04:00

Definition of Friendship

2009-05-06T11:49:00.000-04:00

My Hero!!

2009-05-05T13:53:00.001-04:00

Jarrad Farbs quit his job by creating a playable Super Mario Bros resignation letter.

I'm *so* jealous! 1) that he got to give his crappy job the boot
2) that he went for such a classic game for the "toodles loosers" letter

Idiots with guns

2009-05-04T14:01:00.001-04:00

'Man who slept with gun shoots self'

Don't get me wrong, I complete agree its part of our legal right to own and bear arms.... however... I also completly agree with the concept of the Darwin Awards.

Idiot with gun

Idiot of the week

2009-05-01T13:05:00.002-04:00

Man Checks pot pipe at courthouse

The best part? His first name is Clinton

Watch what you post...

2009-04-30T09:27:00.001-04:00

Yet more proof that you shouldn't post or take photos/video of something you DO NOT want everyone to see! There's exhibitionism & the bachelor's party and then there's stupidity
"A furious fiancee dumped her boyfriend after catching him fondling another girl's boobs on Facebook just days before their wedding."

WEAR SUNSCREEN!

2009-04-29T13:23:00.000-04:00

I believe this photo says it all...

Seriously? A helicopter?

2009-04-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

"CULT leader jailed for sex attacks on children has escaped in a helicopter from a prison on the French Indian Ocean island of Reunion."

Ok... I want to know how the bastard was able to secure a helicopter. Its not like he's the James Bond of Pedophiles

Tanner and JJ

2009-04-27T13:53:00.001-04:00

This could SO easily be Tanner and JJ on one of their fights over what is the better donuts (its apple fritters btw)

Guess Jill's state of being...

2009-04-24T09:22:00.000-04:00

Odd birds in society...

2009-04-23T08:22:00.002-04:00

Generally speaking when your leaving a message on someone new's phone you do listen to who your leaving a message for, right? I mean I'm Jill and my voicemail says that... what makes you think that my voicemail is magically going to be able to deliver a message to a Monique?

In case you haven't been able to read through the lines, I had a voicemail message for a chick named Monique. Apparently, (possibly to her good fortune?) she is now the lucky winner of a married man named Chuck since his wife (the lady who left the message) is divorcing him and taking the kids.

Another stupid person who doesn't quite get it:

050521_Fox News Hannity & Colmes "Forsake The Military"

Twitter (bleq) is taking over the world

2009-04-20T08:03:00.003-04:00

"A tech-savvy (and kind of sadistic) judge in Mississippi is making news for his unusual decision to force a paroled convict to tweet every ten minutes as a way of updating his parole officer of his whereabouts. It's tough to know who's being punished more - the convict or whoever's following him."

Convict Forced to Tweet by Tech-Savvy Judge

State of America..

2009-04-17T09:29:00.002-04:00

When you have a brand spanking new jaguar parked out in front of your rented mobile home that some how your able to get detailed every other week... you got to think that perhaps its time you reevaluate your priorities in life.

On the plus (?) side... there won't be a brothel tax added anytime soon...

Seriously? They didn't catch on??

2009-04-16T12:15:00.001-04:00

If Tanner was an inventor.....

2009-04-15T14:30:00.002-04:00

Have you ever wondered what Tanner might do for a living if he couldn't work at the radio station? The following video talks about the Rodenator Pro "a machine that pumps oxygen and propane into tunnels used by burrowing animals like squirrels, then sends an electric spark so the tunnel EXPLODES."

Yeah.... TOTALLY sounds like something Tanner would invent if he didn't end up with an injury every time he opens his tool box because he has "a great idea"...

Rodenator Pro

Downsizing...

2009-04-14T15:36:00.000-04:00

As crazy as Georgie Porgie is (you know... George Allen Shaffer) I really am afraid that I'll come in one day and this will be my office:

Depths of Jill's email

2009-04-13T16:28:00.001-04:00

Got this in my email today... it caught my attention. I'd certainly buy from them!

Mothers...

2009-04-10T15:40:00.003-04:00

I thought mine was the only mother who called about a half a billion times during the week and a solid trillion on the weekends. Apparently... not so much: Court fines mother for phoning son too much

Anita Renfroe gives us a very good example of how ... precious.. our mothers can be

National Moron day!?

2009-04-08T17:07:00.000-04:00

Was today National Moron Day and someone forgot to tell me to stay home!? Granted I don't have a lot of road rage (I mean really, look at who I work with, if I got enraged that quickly they would have all been dead a long time ago and I'd be enjoying the hospitality of a big ole gal name Marge while rocking an orange jumpsuit.

I made the mistake of mentioning hte morons to my mother when she called (for the 12th time) today and she told me:
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

My response? "God, if you didn't want me to hurt them why'd let the super cute Carter teach me to shoot that one warm summer day?"

Apocalypse now!

2009-04-07T14:27:00.003-04:00

So Tanner's team was about as successful with the ladies last night as the dating candidate below. In fact... I think the world is coming to an end. With the exception of talking on the radio he hasn't said more than 4 words, TOTAL, all day! And I'm fairly certain if we hadn't had one Dunkin Donut Blueberry left it would have been just 2 words.

All well, may suck to be him, but at least I'm free of hearing about March Madness for another year.

Jermey Rowley

Jill's morning commute...

2009-04-06T08:14:00.001-04:00

Just a small bit of what insanity and weirdness I see on my way to work...

Math Sucks

2009-04-03T08:45:00.001-04:00

As if I wasn't depressed enough about my lack of math skills without a calculator but now Italian researchers have found that 3-day-old chickens can do basic arithmetic.

Abbott and Costello explain Math I can SO relate to this... stupid chickens

Stupid cops... part deux

2009-04-02T16:15:00.002-04:00

An arrested moron managed to get through FOUR pat downs by cops and STILL had his gun on him when he ended up at the local jail and only then dropped it of when he realized he'd be stripped searched. Apparently the economy crisis is causing more of a budget crunch then normal and I think I can point a finger at where they chose to skimp on in cop boot camp.

OH... and as if you needed further proof that training is *probably* not the best place to skimp on for cops.....

Never finished college? Maybe its a good thing?

2009-04-01T16:14:00.000-04:00

OnlineColleges.net complied The 15 Strangest College Courses In America. Below are the titles, you can get descriptions on each class and a few schools who offer it by following the link. If this is what's being offered in college today do we really need a college degree to prove we're qualified??
Hmm.... now that I think of it... it'd certainly explain The Boys a bit

15. Arguing with Judge Judy: Popular ‘Logic’ on TV Judge Shows
14. Underwater Basket Weaving
13. Learning From YouTube
12. Philosophy and Star Trek
11. The Art of Walking
10. Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles
9. Joy of Garbage
8. The Science of Superheroes
7. Zombies in Popular Media
6. The Science of Harry Potter
5. Cyberporn and Society State University of New York at Buffalo
4. Simpsons and Philosophy
3. Far Side Entomology
2. Myth and Science Fiction: Star Wars, The Matrix, and Lord of the Rings
1. The Strategy of StarCraft

Going Commando for $13 bucks

2009-03-31T15:14:00.001-04:00

Maybe its just me but when I heard that a Lingerie firm is offers women "liberating" loincloths I was slightly confused. Where I'm from if you go around with a lil skirt with no underwear on its known as going Commando and/or Flashing the Good Stuff. Also, its generally NOT something you do during daylight hours unless your a hippie, a skank or trying to attract a DOM (Dirty Old Man). Not to mention the fact why would you pay $13 bucks for two washcloths tied with string?

AWESOME!

2009-03-30T16:08:00.003-04:00

How Bad Is It?

2009-03-27T17:45:00.002-04:00

The economy is so bad....

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings.
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer
People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truck of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the US?"
Motel Six won't leave the light on.
The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.

"Extreme" Sports

2009-03-27T08:21:00.002-04:00

"Extreme" sports... aka WTF!? aka if Tanner was dared........

Grr.. Guess Jill's mood

2009-03-26T16:02:00.000-04:00

Stupid Boss.... part deux

2009-03-24T16:32:00.002-04:00

What more can I say? My superiors are pencil loving, penny pinching, morons

To: All Radio X Network Employees
From: George Allen Shaffer
CC: Tanner Blackart- Operations Manager
Date: March 23, 2009
Re: Supplies

Fellow Employees:

You may have noticed the recent replacement of all pens located in the front desk reception area. We will now only be using one (1) box of Number 2 pencils for all corporate documents and inter office memos. This decision was not made lightly. In an effort to save this company, its stations money, and help control expenses, we have no choice but to cut back on stationary items.

We were going to replace the pens with mechanical pencils but received a better deal on number 2 pencils with our flexible Dollar General trade out agreement. In emergency events, 1 pen was left in reception and will be held accountable for. Please be sure and sign the sheet should this be removed and keep track of the ink levels after each use. Jill, you will have to keep track of these ink levels and sign out sheet daily to ensure we get a replacement when necessary. It is locked down on your desk to ensure nobody, including clients, walks away with it without signing it our first.

Security will be posted to search each guest and employee if anyone becomes suspected of removing Radio X Corporation property as they exit the building and to ensure that company assets are not stolen or removed without prior management permission. Remember you job could be at risk if you fail to apply this corporate memo and regulation. Thank you all for your hard work and consideration in this matter as we all pull together to save money and jobs in these hard times.

--
George Allen Shaffer

Free prayers! ... sort of

2009-03-23T08:29:00.004-04:00

So after stumbling upon Tanner in the supply closet praying to all the gods (to include Zeus and Thor) because he's losing in his March Madness bonanza I took pity, or maybe it was the depressingly cute Buddha, either way it was rather pathetic.

So after an intense 15 minutes of leisurely scouring the web I wandered onto this: Information Age Prayer an apparently "new and exciting way to connect with God" according to their FAQ. Not quite sure if this is blasphemous or not.. but at least it might get Tanner out of the closet enough to do his segmant.

NOT a women driver!

2009-03-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

I'd just like to point out before I begin is that there were NO WOMEN DRIVERS on the sub as the Navy frowns on women be stuck in a sardine can with a bunch of lonely boys. That stated... explain to me how a U.S. sub hits a U.S. destroyer??

My understanding from the magics of TV, Movies and of course, the Internet, is that Subs are supposed to have great sonar to detect things in the sea. Before today, I would have *assumed* that would have included a 9,000 ton destroyer thats over 500 feet long. Apparently I was wrong.

On a side note, that highly annoying March Madness Sickness that Tanner has that causes him to talk non-stop about basketball, bracketology and how team colors and mascots directly relate to team curses? Yea.. so whooping his butt so feel free to rub it in... JJ and I certainly do!

U.S. Navy vessels collide near Iran

Hilarious new commercials!

2009-03-19T16:30:00.003-04:00

Eric O'Shea

12 or more? Your a Geek!

2009-03-18T15:33:00.004-04:00

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If Dilbert is your hero (hmmmm.)
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires (uh oh.)
If you have more toys than your kids
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you replace your pinky finger with a USB flash drive!!!!

March Madness? More like Monotony

2009-03-17T16:08:00.001-04:00

Oh lord.. its that time of the year, the aptly called "March Madness." Once again Tanner is going about The Entire Station droning going on and on and on and on about March Madness, Basketball, the proper way to Bracketology, etc etc etc its enough to put someone asleep!

I can tell you, I'm *this* close to paying the pimply donut boy to be his Bracket-Buddy for the month just so he'll leave me alone!

Be warned though! If you see Tanner his March Madness Monologue and super excited puppy dog face is weirdly effective, After 9 days I've already broken down and joined Tanner's Radio X Bracketology contest just so he'd go bug JJ or someone else!

Genius!

2009-03-16T16:01:00.004-04:00

I can't believe never thought of this to level out Tanner and JJ!!

Employee Spikes her Boss' Coffee

How I get through the day not assaulting Tanner or JJ

2009-03-13T16:33:00.006-04:00

Bad math..

2009-03-13T12:33:00.000-04:00

I've never been so good at that 4-letter word called Math but here's an ending I can get behind...

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.

"Good" parents...

2009-03-12T15:52:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows at least 1 person who, when you met their parents, thought they epitomize the need for a license to breed.... 4-Year old Brings Pot to Preschool

Slpel checker

2009-03-11T10:58:00.003-04:00

In the Era of the Internet its only a given that most people get at least half a dozen emails per day, and as a receptionist its only a given that I easily get 4 times as many per day and I have two recommendation to not have your emails be sent to the trash.

1) Do NOT type in all caps! I don't call you up on the phone and sit there and scream at you and then act confuse when you hang up on me for doing so!

2) Two words: Spell Checker!

Now granted the egg heads over at Cambridge University are convinced that you can read even the most badly spelt word so long as the first and last letter are in the right place. Can you read the below?

Suposdely olny srmat poelpe can.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt

A peek in Jill's email

2009-03-10T16:24:00.000-04:00

So seeing as how I got 4 hours of sleep since I spent the night hanging with friends and have thus spent the entire day mastering the art of looking busy (it helps if you constantly shift papers from one pile to another) while mainlining caffeine, I thought I'd share some of the weird/amusing/stupid pictures that come through my email....

Yes men.. this is true for majority of women:

Ok, this SO describes Tanner and JJ if you actually got them to help you move... I wouldn't recommend it, god only knows what might go missing:

Dream on guys...

Being a baby is rough...

Oprah=Gold? Uh.. not this time

2009-03-09T14:34:00.000-04:00

Apparently if someone promotes something on Oprah it makes godlen. But this latest attempt at a hawk just severely disturbs me: Handheld Portable Bidet Sprayers.
Its called TWO PLY people!! Learn to hit the paper!

You do the math... or not

2009-03-07T11:01:00.004-05:00

So apparently there's a French website where you can pay people smarter than you (or at least more dedicated to the evils that is math) to do your math homework for you.

I have one question.... WHERE WAS THIS WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!? I mean damn! If I had been able to pay some math genius to do my math homework without having to commit myself to a bad date at the Waffle House I might have actually been able to get into a 4 year college! Who knows... I could be working at something so much cooler than this looney tunes bin!

Wait a minute.. there could be a downside to supposedly being "good" at math, I might end up with a job that requires math daily. And of course, by the that point I'd been so used to lying and claiming to be good at math I'd be too damn stubborn to not take the job and instead screw the company over ala... a Stockbroker.

Full Story: You do the math. Or pay a website to do it

Think your boss is a moron?

2009-03-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

The following is an acutal correspondence from the Big Cheese: George Alan Schaffer

RADIO X EMPLOYEES,

I REGRET TO INFORM EVERYONE THAT THE KIT KAT BARS LOCATED IN THE PROMOTIONS OFFICE ARE NOT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION – AT LEAST NOT FOR STATION EMPLOYEE CONSUMPTION. THOSE ARE FOR SAMPLING OPPORTUNITIES ONLY. I KNOW THAT IT APPEARED TO BE A FREE FOR ALL BUT WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT THOSE MUST LAST US THROUGH THE END OF MAY.

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM EATING THOSE LIKE POPCORN. AS WELL, WHOEVER BROKE OPEN THE SECOND BOX – REALLY WE SHOULD HAVE ASKED FIRST.

THANKS, AND SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

GEORGE ALLAN SCHAFFER

Yes boys and girls, that really was a genuine email from the modern date Lord of the Morons. See! There really is someone dumber then The Boys: Tanner and JJ.

And yes, it did come in all caps, I'm just shocked he knew how to log into his email without a manual with more pictures than words.

All you need is... love?

2009-03-05T17:08:00.007-05:00

Parents always tell us "you want a good job? then get a college degree!" And in this climate everyone's looking closely at resumes. What I want to know is what the heck kind of job are you trying to get with a degree in The Beatles!? (and yes, I do mean the band) I mean seriously? That's like saying I am working on my BA in Underwater Basket Weaving for a job I want in the potato-chip factory.

Then again, maybe if I had a degree in The Beatles I wouldn't be a receptionist at Radio X......

Full Story: All you need is love

There's always someone who thinks they're hilarious...

2009-03-04T16:25:00.001-05:00

Button your coats!

2009-03-03T15:41:00.002-05:00

I understand when its cold out when most people are expecting it to be warm out and/or when it normally doesn't get that cold it can be a shock.

BUT

If you can't manage to take the few seconds to zip up your bloody coat you have no right to complain about it being cold!!

That's almost as stupid as lying in the sun for 5 hours without putting sunscreen on and then being confused when you get burnt.

Rappers washed out Auctioneers?

2009-03-02T15:14:00.001-05:00

So I've decided rappers are just auctioneers who couldn't make it in the cutthroat world of Christie's auction house. The reason you've never heard anyone say this before is because the Auctioneer Union is almost as scary as the Steamroller's association.

Winter bites back

2009-02-28T18:24:00.000-05:00

Idiot Cop Eats the Brownies

2009-02-26T22:20:00.000-05:00

Does this not instill confidence in local law enforcement? I have similar confidence in Tanner and JJ

Jill the Secretary's random thoughts and ramblings

Ok, this is just awesome

A smart-ass in the making....

Is Tanner his manager?

Close quarters with male Sweds? Yum!

Yemen justice

May need a new boss...

Big men don't cry?

Lovely

X-men

Trogdor!

Awkward Family Photos

Baby talk

Action Teen Daddy

Baby week....

Baby advise

You're doing it wrong...

From Jill's email

Soda & Beer

Memorial Day Weekend

Huzzah!

If only....

Stupid reasons for being late

The sexual addition....

Was it a lucky frog?

The History of the Middle Finger

I'll never look at Turkey the same again...

Something to scare you into calling your mom

New Sign for Jill's Desk

Definition of Friendship

My Hero!!

Idiots with guns

Idiot of the week

Watch what you post...

WEAR SUNSCREEN!

Seriously? A helicopter?

Tanner and JJ

Guess Jill's state of being...

Odd birds in society...

Twitter (bleq) is taking over the world

Convict Forced to Tweet by Tech-Savvy Judge

State of America..

Seriously? They didn't catch on??

If Tanner was an inventor.....

Downsizing...

Depths of Jill's email

Mothers...

National Moron day!?

Apocalypse now!

Jill's morning commute...

Math Sucks

Stupid cops... part deux

Never finished college? Maybe its a good thing?

Going Commando for $13 bucks

AWESOME!

How Bad Is It?

"Extreme" Sports

Grr.. Guess Jill's mood

Stupid Boss.... part deux

Free prayers! ... sort of

NOT a women driver!

Hilarious new commercials!

12 or more? Your a Geek!

March Madness? More like Monotony

Genius!

How I get through the day not assaulting Tanner or JJ

Bad math..

"Good" parents...

Slpel checker

A peek in Jill's email

Oprah=Gold? Uh.. not this time

You do the math... or not

Think *your* boss is a moron?

All you need is... love?

There's always someone who thinks they're hilarious...

Button your coats!

Rappers washed out Auctioneers?

Winter bites back

Idiot Cop Eats the Brownies

Think your boss is a moron?